Why Therapy Isn’t Working

Why Therapy Isn’t Working

Madison Longchamp, MS, LPC

An article came out recently about why therapy isn’t working for this generation. The author made some compelling points, but the one that stood out to me most was about how therapists inhibit client’s growth by fostering reliance on the therapist. Honestly, this bothered me a great deal because skilled therapists don’t do this. As I thought more and discussed with some colleagues, I realized maybe this is happening more than I’d like to think. As great as the increase in mental health awareness and the desire to seek therapy is, I wondered how many therapists are losing the essence of what therapy really is and maybe succumbing to pressure from clients. Clients often want someone to tell them what they should do, but that isn’t therapy. Let me explain why I think this is happening and how you can find success in your own therapy. 

If you haven’t read this blog https://therapycenterofatlanta.com/blog/f/the-best-metaphor-for-therapy-i%E2%80%99ve-ever-heard, go ahead before continuing as I’ll be building on this metaphor a bit. 

As in the above blog, the therapist holds the flashlight and journeys with the client. They don’t tell them where to go or what to do. The ultimate goal of therapy is for you, the client, to be able to hold the flashlight yourself, to not need the therapist any longer. The way therapists help you grow into this is by NOT giving you advice. I always laugh when my clients come in, tell me they want me to tell them what to do, then roll their eyes because they know I won’t. Then their slight frustration with not getting an answer from me is rewarded at the end of our time together because they understand why I never told them what to do. They feel confident in their own ability to make a choice, deal with things, and don’t even want to ask me for advice anymore. Our sessions become them telling me how well they’ve handled things lately and I can smile because I knew this is where we were going the whole time. 

So, if your therapist is giving you advice, they’re doing you a disservice. And if you are seeking only to be told what to do, you’re doing yourself a disservice. When I’m coaching parents about how to help their child grow into a good decision maker, emotion regulator, friend, etc. I encourage them to take a step back and instead of making those decisions for their child, have confidence in their child. Sure, they will make some mistakes (don’t we all), but that’s how they will develop a strong sense of self and confidence in their decisions. If your therapist is telling you what to do, you’ll always need them. When you come in, I already know you have everything you need to get to where you want to be-I just need to support you in figuring that out for yourself. 

Of course, your therapist should have expert knowledge about psychology, mental health, etc. And that, they should share with you. Their time with hundreds of clients also means they often know where to look with that flashlight and how to create the ideal environment for you to grow. But they should know you are the one who chooses, who takes those steps. They should have confidence in you to do that. 

So, find a therapist who trusts the process enough to disappoint you when you ask for advice, then helps you find the answer for yourself. 

Reach out today to make an appointment.